The Hardest Thing You’ll Ever Do
WMMM #104 - This week, I share a deeply personal life experience.
Jeff Keplar Newsletter September 13, 2025 5 min read
I have heard it said by wise men.
I have read about it in self-help books.
Our minister has preached about it.
One of the hardest things a man will do is speak at his mother's funeral.
Those who have done it already know.
Last week, it was my time to experience it for myself.
Mom's Time
My mother passed away in late August.
Peacefully, in her sleep.
She was 93.
As fate would have it, I was in the air on a plane headed to visit her.
My phone rang just as I landed.
It was my sister.
"Mom passed."
Part of His Plan
Was I too late?
Did I just miss seeing her one last time?
My last interaction with Mom was meant to be the phone conversation I shared with her the week prior.
She had been taken to the hospital from her assisted living residence.
She had a brief overnight stay.
She called me to let me know that she was discontinuing some of her medications and returning to her residence.
She had decided, with my sister's help, to hire hospice help right there in her residence.
She liked it there.
She had friends.
She had a routine.
No more hospitals
We talked about all of this.
We also spoke about "home" (Peoria, IL) and the possibility of another trip back this Fall, like last year and the year before.
(I shared my perspective of one of those trips in: The Best Day)
But this year, Mom wanted to take my sister Lori with us.
Mom and I imagined what that day, that trip might be like.
What stops would we make?
Which of the old places would we visit?
It was a wonderful, hopeful mother-son conversation.
That was my last interaction with her.
I cannot think of a better memory for me to have.
It was a gift.
But it also prompted me to consider flying to St. Louis the following week.
A conversation with my sister moved me to action.
There was no rush, just a good idea to act on my gut.
That was also a gift.
I did not "just miss saying goodbye" to my mother.
I was present at the precise time that my sister needed my support.
Selfless Dedication
For the past decade, my sister has been responsible for our mother's daily well-being.
Initially, she travelled from her home in southern Illinois to our childhood home in Peoria, IL.
Two and a half-hour drive.
She'd stay a couple of nights and return on the third day.
Lori did this about every third week.
Mom lived alone in that house.
Dad passed in 2012.
About four years ago, she moved Mom to the assisted living residence in Waterloo, IL, 15 minutes from her and Greg's home.
In that process, she sold our childhood home and took care of all that goes with that time of life of an elderly loved one.
Lori spoke with or visited Mom daily.
Lori already had things in place for when Mom's time came.
That time had arrived, and I was present.
She told me that neither she nor our brother Scott was up to speaking at Mom's funeral.
Mom and Lori had discussed how the ceremony might go, and they did not want to call it a funeral.
It was to be a ceremony for remembering Mom.
Only family would be invited.
Lori did not want a minister present either.
But she thought Mom would like scripture from the Bible shared at the ceremony.
She asked me if I could do this for her, for Mom.
I was now anticipating this request.
Without hesitation, I told her I would be delighted to speak at the ceremony.
I got this.
Don't give it another thought.
Lori was grateful and looked relieved.
My Time
It is common for the family members of the deceased to be reluctant to give the eulogy at the funeral.
This is perfectly understandable.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is a very emotional moment.
As a result, a "friend of the family" often delivers the eulogy on the family's behalf.
They work with the immediate family to incorporate anecdotes they want included in the eulogy.
This was not an option in Mom's case.
Because she had lived such a full life, most of her closest friends were no longer with us.
It had to be me.
This was clear to me now.
Saying goodbye to your mother can take your emotions to an entirely different level.
A Time to Weep and a Time to Laugh
One of my memories is Mom telling me as a child:
"You can do anything you put your mind to, Jeff…
You can be whatever you want to be."
I have heard that voice and those words in my subconscious for my entire life.
And I heard it again as I thought about what to say and how to say it.
So, I approached my assignment in much the same way I would anything else.
I asked myself questions.
My answers informed my approach.
Examples
What is my desired outcome?
A communication from the heart that shares my loving memories of Mom.
Have my memories stir more in the hearts and minds of those in attendance.
A communication that brings a smile to those receiving it - a fond but cheerful memory of Mom.
Respect for the moment - the passing of Mom's time on Earth.
What do I not want to say or do?
Anything that brings me sorrow or evokes emotions that hinder my delivery.
Anything that brings sorrow to the audience - smiles is the goal.
If I were a grieving family member, what would I want to hear today?
Uplifting recollections of Mom's life told by someone who was part of the memory being shared.
What am I good at and not so good at?
I can tell stories.
I can speak from my heart.
I can look people in the eye when speaking.
I am less effective when reading from a piece of paper.
I am less effective when trying to express how much Mom meant to me.
So, I got out my journal and began writing.
I came up with two stories about Mom from my childhood.
They made me laugh.
I did my research.
What themes and what scripture are used in the traditional funeral service for an elderly person by a Methodist Christian minister?
I read the scripture and made some selections.
One of the verses I chose contained the words:
"...a time to weep, and a time to laugh…"
That was divine intervention.
I had chosen to laugh over weeping.
I thought the family would appreciate that as well.
I decided to close the service with the Lord's Prayer, because I know it by heart.
The most challenging part of my talk may be the end.
Go with what you know.
Then I practiced.
During morning walks, I would record myself telling those stories.
I did this a few times.
Measure twice, cut once.
When the time came, I actually enjoyed delivering the eulogy.
I was surprised.
Blessed and grateful to honor my Mom.
Lessons…
I shared this experience to help others who will follow.
When faced with a similar challenge, it may help to have heard a perspective on how someone you know approached their time.
1) You can do anything you put your mind to
2) If you can conceive and believe in a desired outcome, you can achieve it.
Thank you for reading,
Jeff
